We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
