i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fill condoms, not promises.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
