1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
