He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
