it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
