This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Holy shit dude........stairs
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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