why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
