He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
