Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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