We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
What a fucking waste of an outfit
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
