I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
