he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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