DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
