Don't make out with my wife yet
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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