You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
