yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
someone owes me an orgasm
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
