my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
