he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize