She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
