i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
