have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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