ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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