So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
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