sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
