everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
