i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
it's like heaven, but drunker
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize