Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize