my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
