i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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