This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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