Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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