Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize