Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
