I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
