take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Im part way to drunk.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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