moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
