My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
