I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
