just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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