I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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