no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
