im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Houston, we have a blender
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
