in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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