omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
