So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
