You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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