I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I cut my penus on the lid.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
