we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
