You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
