your parents love me but you hate me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
