everyone is single if you try hard enough
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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