Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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