she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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