So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
