Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
