Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
