$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
