Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
