Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize