She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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