dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize