I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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