it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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