Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
