Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
