sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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