Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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