that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So squirting runs in the family.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
