I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
