OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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