I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
