i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
