oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
