They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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