Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
