creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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