You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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