She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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