Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
