sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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