Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
