She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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