You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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