She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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