I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
