jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
