I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
