; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize