i already hear my dad disowning me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
