this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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