did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
