if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize