Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
