i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize