One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
