I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
