they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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