I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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