My balls are so social today.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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