The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
