it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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